Chalie Beswick is an author, charity founder and speaker, from the UK. Mother to twins with one having the goldenhar syndrome and autism.
She describes herself as:
- Very driven, loving to learn and grow continuously
- Brutally honest, open and
- Positive
The last two attributes have been learned and embraced through her experiences and life lessons.
Her colour is red: It is a strong colour that doesn’t work with all colours but with the once it works it fits perfect. It is also a bold colour and not everyone likes it.
Her little secret and obsession is to watch property programs on Tv where they renovate houses, sell houses.
Her Story started 15 years ago. With the birth of Oliver and Harry. Harry has a very rare cranial disease, goldenhar syndrome where half of the face is missing, and autism. Charlie has not been prepared to this fate as her pregnancy went fine and the doctors didn’t see anything abnormal. It was the most dramatic day of her life. The twins cam 8 weeks early by an emergency C-section and were very small. Charlie felt the lack of control that day. The whole experience shaped her in a way that she was never expected. It created the person and mother she is now. Now she is very grateful for that lesson. Back then she had a lot of grief, guilt and destructive self talk following for six years. Her marriage broke down as well as her mental health. During this time Charlie was writing journals of her feelings and experiences which she rediscovered in 2017. After family members and close friends read some of it they saw the positive transformation Charlie went through and encouraged her to publish a book so her lessons can help other mothers in similar situations. The book became a success and with that Charlie founded a charity were she goes out to schools and talks about Harry’s life and that how we should not fear the different and help other children, grown ups with facial problems. He looks different but is as loving, fun and carrying as all the other kids too.
We got to talk about
- Depression and how it can be that people close to us can’t or don’t want to realise the problems we are in.
- Communicate, listen and read others.
- Being a victim and how to get out with small steps. “In doing nothing you choose to stay in the state you are in.”
- Being honest with yourself, learn the necessary skills and delegate without loosing or giving away control
- Awareness creates control in your life
- How hard it is to take life threatening decisions for you son (operations)
We got to talk about depression and how it can be that people close to us can’t realise the problems we are in. How to learn to communicate and read others. Learn to see through the lie we spread that all is ok but in truth we are suffering and destroying us from the inside. Listen to the words used, the body language, the speed and tonality as well look out for patterns.
e.g. “Are you ok?” Answer “Yes I am fine” This is not always the truth. Give the person in question the permission to be honest by going deeper. “I can see in you body language that something is wrong. I can feel in your tone, … your words etc that something is wrong”. Avoid telling the person to see the bright side or other wrong positive feedback can increase the stress and pressure if one is chronically down. e.g. “You are always laughing, funny.” “Common’ smile the sun is shining” etc
For Charlie it is important to be honest by showing that she is not perfect. This gives hope to others in similar situations
Wanted to make people proud… Couldn’t disappoint, do the best she could…She felt people made be ashamed, let people down, failed your son etc… The feelings were not about harry, but about her failing… 6 years negative very intense for 12 months (1 year). She started to take anti drepssives after 6 years…
She smiled, and told everybody everything is fine.
We talk about talking… Listening to the words, the tone and changes. .
How to listen ?
You need to know the people and their patterns.
Partner teacher knew what Charlie was listening to in the car. She was in tune with her body, speed, tone of her communication…
Are you ok? => yes I am fine…. Give them permission too honest.
Wrong positive feedback puts more stress… => You are always laughing, funny etc ads more pressiour …
Its important that she is honest showing that she is not perfect…
Victim…
Very passive in their own life. Might reach out for help and get advice but won’t do anything with it… Trapped in the negative self talk.
“In doing nothing you choose to stay in the state you are in.”
Don’t have the self believe. If you are not a victim you are moving forward. A victim is trapped in this one.
Honest with yourself… What are you looking for in other people… That you don’t feel that you don’t have yourself…Maybee some one that is business driven or another creative person… You already have that in you but you lack the skills.. You have them… Complement. Development
Giving away control… Always sign your own check.. Delegate to people you trust but have a slight knowledge about it so you can talk about it. Awareness create control.
10 year younger sister….
Sister had a hard time to read the notes… Friends were surprised to hear what she went through…They saw the transformation from birth to were you were.
Make a decision for yourself. Informed decision for yourself.
For an infant is very hard. Vulnerable target in society … to harm, use, bully etc. It was about protecting Harry for the person he is. She said more no to operations than yes…
Doctors were telling what her son needs …. Burningham… Change doctors.. These are your options. Choices for operation.
Biggest Learning:
- That she is good enough. Learning to Love herself a bit more. Two step dads…left her mom.. she thought she wasn’t enough…
- Don’t beat yourself up for doing your best you could at any given moment
Routines:
Self worth routines during day. When she goes to bed she goes through her “Done List”. At least 5 things she is proud or pleased about that she accomplished that day. Going to bed from a place of gratitude.
Miracle Morning… for a while… Harry doesn’t sleep very well. Screaming
Creativity:
People seeing things a slightly different way. Taking ingredients, ideas and create something exiting out of it.
She sees that creative people have a vision and patience creating it. Creativity requires being aware, brave and vulnerable.
Don’t beat yourself up for doing your best…
Don’t feel bad that you might not have done the best while being stressed… You did the best…
Creative Process writing her book:
- Read everything through
- Bullet points list for each pile of information
- Selecting the important parts by asking herself “Did it help me grow, help me on the journey, challenge me or is it only boring stuff?”
- That gave a structure, a skeleton for each year
- It is very easy to get swallowed in the details
- Remember to write for your readers. The mom that is lost now and needs help
- Cutting 80.000 in the start to 60.000 words
- Spend more money on production.
- Her editor broke the book into 4 sections/chapters. It didn’t feel right now the book has 50 chapters. It seems that those short bites help people to read the book fast.
- Editor helped to fine tune the text and remove repetition
Charity Work:
Teacher. Educate children, share, make a difference to a younger generation. Lights her up.
Assemblies at school, a speaker from 6 to 16 talking to children, also colleges and university, shares her journey depending on the age of the children,
What they like, Youtube, trampoline, pizza… 3 of Harry’s favourite things to do.. Bringing up similarities even when he looks different. Workshops around writing. A letter to Harry. Older on internet use and about that. Being seen around the how Instagram Filters and need to look perfect… Beautiful on the outside but rotten on the inside.
“What could you do to make life look better” “How to stand up for Harry. To be the one person that stands up. The one person. Not even grown ups that can do it”
Our Altered Life YouTube Channel.
North Staffigers and south Hampton. Two areas. It’s only her.. She would love to work with others to
Flow. She said not yet for TED talk.
Speaking came from the place of needing an income. She made nothing on the book. 60pence per book.
Practical place what she can do but it is also giving her joy.
She is a show off, chatter box, first on the dance floor in the party. She doesn’t do that because of her but she is a natural extrovert.
How to take the strongest part of her and monitize.
The Professional speaking association. PSA.. how to monitize story to give value.
But she wasn’t interesting in the one-to-one coaching… And now she got one-to-one clients.. Found her on social.
value.. Own experience, asking for feedback from her readers.
What is you get from me when you read my work.
Real person.
Positive and giving hope => teach them to be themselves. They can grow…
Spent time to research neuroscientist, people that achieved greatness. Self talk how it works…
Theory, s
Advice:
Being authentic. Do work on who you are and what you want. Find the reasons that stop you to be authentic.
Be honest and authentic about yourself, as long as you are not malicious or evil others will be inspired by you.
What you might see as vulnerability others see as courage.
Books:
Brené Brown - “Rising Strong” & “BRAVING The wilderness”
Ian Tuhovsky - “Science of Self Talk”
Charlie Beswick - “Our altered life”
Reach out:
www.CharlieBeswick.com and www.ouralteredlife.com
“Our altered life“ on Social Media. FB, Insta, YouTube, Twitter,
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